Stand by Your Man…Ugh, Seriously?

Do you remember the Tammy Wynette song, “Stand By Your Man”? It has a bit of a country twang to it. Do you also remember when Hillary Clinton got into PR trouble after quoting it shortly after Bill was caught “not having sexual relations with that woman”? Confession: I’ve never liked that song. I’ve always thought it was dumb. As if we women are brainless enough to stand by our man while he goes out and acts like a … well, you know.

I have spent a great deal of my life working to be independent. Actually, let me rephrase, I’ve always worked hard to APPEAR that I am independent. Almost as if there is a desperation to show others that “I can do it myself; thank you very much.” This attitude worked it’s way into my marriage at an early stage. I can open the door for myself. I can fix my own problems. I can command a salary equally as impressive as my husbands. I am my own woman and I don’t need anyone else.

Thank GOD He finally burst that bubble!

Ladies, do you know our husbands want to be our knights? Why are we so hell-bent on proving our self worth? Why do we have to be equals in our marriage? Why can’t we just be different…just be the woman God made us to be? Don’t get me wrong. We are not doormats and should never put up with physical, verbal or emotional abuse. Some of us are very talented and fit well into the workforce. Able to juggle work and quality time with kids and husband. However, never forsake your right to be the woman of the house. That is your gift from God.

My husband is meticulous about grilling steaks…in particularly for me. He can’t stand it if he makes a steak for me that isn’t done perfectly to my liking. He will ask me repeatedly while I am eating my steak if it’s done right. Is it too rare? Is it too well done? If he determines, irregardless of what I say, that my steak isn’t done to what he thinks my liking is, he will get up from the table, throw it back on the grill and make it to perfection. Want to know a secret? I’ve never been a big fan of steaks. However, I will always eat my husband’s steaks , if for no other reason, because he made if for me…specifically for me.

My husband also loves to buy me things. Not things like shoes or jewelry but “guy things” …like electronics. Throughout our marriage I’ve always been the first girl in my group of girlfriends to have the newest or greatest electronic that was out. I was the first to have a Palm Pilot (remember those?), laptop, I-pod, I-phone, etc. Being a budget-control freak, I’ve learned how to accept his gifts. Even if they are things that I didn’t really need or want…or like. Recently, my husband bought me a cordless vacuum. Early on in our marriage that sort of gift would’ve really fried my grits. However, I’ve come to understand that what he is really expressing is that I am important to him and he wants me to know. (One time he bought me a set of speakers…uh-huh, you get it.)

In the end, stand by your man. Let him open the door for you. Let him love you and let him express it in the terms he understands. Support him. Pray with and over him.

PS…Some of you may be divorced. My parents divorced about 10 years ago. (FYI…doesn’t matter whether you are a kid or an adult, watching your parents divorce still hurts. I was an adult when it happened.) If you are a divorcee, you are still a woman. You are still important AND you ARE beautiful. My mother-in-law writes a blog for women struggling with midlife divorce (www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com)

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