No, I am not so vain…”You probably think this blog is about me”…(insert Stevie Nix voice)…:)
I hate the whole “beauty” thing. I am not one to be found at a store like Sephora. I like pretty things, but I don’t think I am pretty. I look in the mirror and wish I was thinner…like those Victoria’s Secret models. I see a whole lot of gray hair, age spots, and wrinkles where none used to be. I wish I were taller…I’m 5’2″. I don’t like my body proportions…too long here, too short there, too round here, and too flat there, etc.
I struggle with my image. Which, I am sure, is no different than anyone else. As a woman, I see magazine ads, television shows and movies that portray to me what a woman should look like. I tell myself, like every good person should, that I’m made uniquely and don’t need to change a thing. Blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t take away from the fact that I remain feeling inadequate.
I don’t think I can recall a time in my life where I didn’t want to change some aspect of my image..whether it was my hair, makeup, weight, or clothes. At what point do we finally throw in the towel and like ourselves?
I’ve decided that despite what I see on screen or in magazines, I’m going to give myself a break…show myself a little grace. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m pretty just as I am. I’ve spent many years trying to look like what I thought was pretty but I can’t seem to get there. I guess I’m tired of trying to look like anything other than myself. All this being said, I know my brain is going to see my mirrored reflection and continue to harp on how I should change. In the Psalms, David said, “You made me in the secret place…” (Ps 139:15) I love that. I love that in a secret room, known only to God, he made this girl. He put blue eyes on her and dark hair. He designed her DNA for premature gray hair. He gave her long legs but a short body. He made her perfectly.
I’m going to believe God knew what He was doing when He made me. I’m going to believe that when I see my reflection in a mirror, I am made in His image. I am going to release the death grip on the image I have in my mind of beauty and believe that me, as I am, am beautiful.