I’ve been mulling over the concept of grace…God’s grace… for several weeks now. I think I struggle with it on the deepest of levels. I’ve sat down several times to type up my thoughts on the topic & keep having to save the draft in my blog library because I simply get lost in the depth of the topic. Sometimes I wonder if grace is such an intimate yet still intense idea that sharing it is almost like getting spiritually undressed in front of bunches of people. Doing so requires honesty and humility rolled up into one. Honesty because you share the deepest aches and pains that grace has touched. Humility because you must recognize that you are broken and grace has made you whole.
Why do we struggle with accepting grace? I do all the time…every day. I never want to show myself the same grace that Christ showed me. I never want to give myself anything that is “free.”
The other day I heard this song with the line in it…”Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern Stars, pointing me on my way to your loving arms.” You see, for the most part, I live the day to day making sure I’ve earned “my spot.” Doing enough good things. Saving and spending wisely. Exercise. Speaking “Christianese”..blah, blah, blah. But those moments when my heart is broken either by someone, an event…or dare I say it…my health and struggles with MS…those are moments when I am helpless to earn my grace. I’m simply broken and cannot muster the energy or fortitude to do all my “good-dooby” activities. Those times are truly like Northern Stars pointing me back to grace. Reminding me that my endless “toiling under the sun” is just that…toiling away.
I wonder if grace is God’s way of sitting down crossed-legged next to you, while you are collapsed on the floor and powerless to move forward into the next minute, and remind you that you are His. That your job is only to show up. Without prejudice or judgement He opens His arms. He looks at the mess you are and says, “Bingo! That’s what I want.” It’s not your job to get your life in order. Nor is it your job to fix yourself. You can’t…trust me, I’ve tried a million ways to clean up my act. Further more, it’s not your job to fix someone else. That’s His job. It’s His. Stop strong-arming grace; eat it and breath it in.
In the end, I think grace is one of the more beautiful concepts I get to enjoy because of intimacy with Christ. Grace brings me nose to nose with my Savior. He looks at me & tears come to my eyes because I know in that moment, this mess…me…, is what He wants…and there is finally peace.